When Everything Changed…

In early February of 2020, I woke up and thought it was going to be a terrible day for some but a close to normal day for me. You see, the day prior I was part of a meeting with upper management explaining that we would be performing a reduction in force (RIF), the following day. I knew that there would be staff that would be losing their roles with the company, and my team was not being affected. My morning went smoothly and I was aware that the terminations were actively occurring as I was seeing names drop from my Skype. Mid-day an unexpected meeting showed up on my calendar. When opened it had an additional attendee, HR. At that moment I knew what was happening. I felt betrayed. caught off guard, and confused. My performance reviews for the past thirteen years were always Exceed Expectations. Did I mention I was with the company for thirteen years through multiple acquisitions, mergers, and changes in management. I had promoted from a Tier 1 tech up to a Director. How could this happen to me? This didn’t make sense. Why?

I had worked remotely for the past eleven years, starting when working remotely was taboo. As a military spouse this was often unheard of. Changing careers or companies when our significant other changes duty stations is the norm.

Home Office

I joined the meeting, knowing what to expect as I knew prior they were completing RIFs that day. My VP opened the conversation with a joke. A joke, can you believe that? Did he think this was funny? I sure didn’t. I survived the meeting, unable to focus while listening to the HR business partner explained what was to come next.

I had thought with all the experience I had, I would find a new job rather quickly. I decided to take a short two week break following the layoff and would pick up with resume creation and applying to roles after. Boy was I wrong. Within days of my break, the US declared COVID-19 a National Emergency.

Virginia Unemployment Rate (2020)

Everything changed from this point forward. Jobs were being lost at an alarming rate. Any open postings that had been open were being closed. I fully understood that it would be harder to obtain a new role due to being a Military Spouse. My resume reflected this with each move we made. Never had I imagined that I would be unemployed and unable to find work, not only due to being Military Spouse, but also due to a pandemic.

When I did find a role, it wasn’t until ten months later. It is not my ideal role nor is the salary what I was looking for. It is a job, which I know many are still stuggling to find and I am thankful for this.

Deployment, the good, the bad, and the unexpected…

Our family goes through a deployment just about every couple of years. Each time, I wonder what crazy things will happen and what I will learn this time. What surprises me most every single time, are my children. They are the most amazing, resilient little humans.

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my humans

Slow Down…

Before your significant other leaves for deployment, there are items that you are going to want to get done and documents that need to be set aside. It is important to remember, NOT to overwhelm your service member. This is going to be a crazy time for them too. Some items you will want to put focus on, sooner rather than later are listed below.

  • Power of Attorney
  • Copy of Orders
  • House and car maintenance
  • Gather emergency numbers
  • Address for letters and packages
  • Review important paperwork (life insurance, will, passwords, home insurances, etc)
  • Prepare children for deployment
  • Spend time together as a family!!!

Have fun & try new things!

Each time my spouse was deployed the kids and I sat down and planned out what we wanted to accomplish while he was gone. This could be as simple as crafts the kids want to do to scheduling a trip. Here are some of the ones that showed up on our lists throughout the years.

  • Make slime
  • Go to the zoo*
  • Beach day trip*
  • Visit family in another state
  • Learn to knit or crochet
  • Repaint the bedrooms
  • Reorganize the furniture in the house (that’s mine!)
  • Visit the Aquarium*
  • Set a walking or running goal
  • Learn to bake or cook something new
  • Go back to school or get training on something you always wanted to learn
  • Write letters to Dad
  • Create care packages for Dad

Expect the unexpected!

Everything will be going smoothly until it isn’t. Remember to expect the unexpected. Our last deployment, my daughter accidentally dropped a weight on her foot. To say I do not like blood is an understatement. With my husband gone, I put my big girl pants on and wrapped her wound, piled all 3 of my little humans into the car and drove to the emergency room. I did not stop to email or call my husband.

Thank goodness for nurses and popsicles!

It wasn’t a situation that would warrant a level of worry. She was okay, no broken bones, one less toenail, and a popsicle from some amazing nurses! We sent the pictures above with what happened and her status so he knew not to worry.

Homecoming! (Before COVID-19)!

The day of homecoming will be exiciting! The last one we did, was prior to Covid, so we were able to wait on the pier for the ship to arrive. There were a lot of hugs and tears! Just remember when you get home that everything may not be all rainbows and butterflies. I don’t say this to scare you. I just think it important to understand.

While your significant other is away, your routines will have inevitably have changed, as I know mine do. Often the big ones for me are the processes and structure around getting my 3 humans fed, showered and to bed each night. Everyone including the children are all part of the routines. When my significant other comes home, things are different for both of us. For me, I have to let go and let him back into the process that I have structured so well for the last year and he has accept that things went on without being here. I am not going to lie, it may not be easy, but it is worth it.

Come at things with an open mind. Remember they have been gone. I hope this helps!!

PCS Tricks and Tips

Each time we PCS to a new location, I have learned a new trick or tip for the next move. Below you will find our current PCS checklist

  1. We have orders, now what?
  2. Two weeks before movers arrive
  3. One week before movers arrive
  4. Do not pack list
  5. Day before movers arrive
  6. During the packing/moving days

We have orders, now what?

Here are some items that you can complete when you first get your orders to your new location:

  • Join Facebook groups and research your new location
  • Start thinking about what you want to take with you and what needs to be sold/donated
  • Look into housing options (on base, on the economy, school districts, etc.)
  • Find books and blog posts about new destination
  • Renew drivers license
  • Notify current landlord or get in touch with a realtor at new location
  • Get current on immunizations; schedule doctor, dentist, eye appointments
  • Decide a plan for your pet
  • Start going through every room in your home
  • Start the passport process or renew expired passports (OCONUS PCS)
  • Decide what to do with your vehicle (OCONUS PCS)
  • Get in touch with your local EFMP representative (OCONUS PCS)

Two weeks before movers arrive

  • Cancel your security systems, gym membership, pest control, internet, cable, schedule release of utilities)
  • Take dog to the vet for updated shots and car sick medicine
  • Get updated vaccine records for kids
  • Make sure hotel reservations are all set
  • Purge the house one more time (throw things away, give away more stuff; go through the pantry, freezer, fridge and toss/giveaway anything you’re not going to usmae)
  • Make a 2 week meal plan
  • Get in touch with realtor/landlord and make sure everything is set and in place for when you leave
  • Make arrangements for the kids and pets so they are out of the way on packing and moving days
  • Make arrangements for your last night(s) in town (ask to borrow air mattress/pack ‘n play/sleeping bag, or get a hotel room)
  • Go shopping for paper goods (plates, bowls, forks and spoons, cups)
  • Organize small things in drawers (wrap in press and seal or place in ziploc bags)
  • Make a hard copy of important documents

One Week Before Movers Arrive

  • Clean out the car (vacuum, car wash, oil change)
  • Take everything off the walls
  • Patch holes in the walls
  • Pack for your entire family
  • Make a “Do Not Pack” section and put everything you want to take with you in that area
  • Make a 1,000 lb/unaccompanied baggage area (if OCONUS)
  • Empty out gasoline from lawn mower
  • Return propane from grill
  • Clean off patio furniture (there can’t be any soil on your outdoor stuff)
  • Start thawing out the secondary freezer
  • Download movies/music to devices for the road trip
  • Get a few new toys/surprises/snacks for road trip
  • Take pictures of everything in the house (especially serial numbers on electronics)
  • Clean couch cushions
  • Clean knives, pots, pans, and lids
  • Get colored tape or room labels for boxes once they’re packed
  • Go through all medicines

Do Not Pack List

  • Suitcases
  • Pet stuff
  • Purse
  • Backpacks
  • Safe
  • Jewelry
  • Important documents (birth certificates, social security cards, passports, marriage license, etc)
  • Paper plates/cups/utensils
  • Car seats if needed
  • Electronics to return (cable box/router)
  • Charging cables
  • Coffee maker
  • Toys
  • Cleaning supplies

Day Before Movers Arrive

  • Do one more load of laundry
  • Throw out any leftover food in the fridge
  • Empty and clean trash cans
  • Pick up air mattress etc., from friends or reserve room at hotel
  • Make sure your “Do Not Pack” pile has everything in it!
  • Empty out dishwasher
  • Put utensils in ziploc bags
  • Take lightbulbs out of lamps
  • Charge devices
2015 O’Brien Family Move

During the Packing/Moving Days

  • Make sure everything is in a separate room or area and it’s clearly marked as a DO NOT PACK area. Use masking tape to mark specific items you don’t want movers to pack. We often put these items into a powder room and lock the door.
  • Following packing, label/color-code the boxes
  • Have a dedicated person responsible for marking off the box numbers as the movers call them off.
O’Brien Move 2018